rachelcoker



First Attempts at Writing

I was flipping through some old folders the other day (I am one of those people who NEVER throws anything sentimental away) and I found something that really put a smile on my face. It was the first fiction story I ever wrote, in March 2004, when I was eight. When I was little, my parents owned a book fair buisiness and we would travel all around the state to different Christian schools selling books. I had a lot of down time, so one day when I was bored I wrote out this story on the back of some unused order forms. Later I took it home and went through the laborious task of typing it out and drawing little illustrations to go with it.

Anyway, reading through this story was a very weird experience. I was half laughing, half cringing the whole way through because it is really, really bad. For starters, the main character is supposed to be named “Olivia”, but I incorrectly spelled it “Alivia” on every page. And also…. well, I’ll spare you all of my criticisms and let you read it for yourself with all the original grammer and spellings. The weird thing is that while I was writing I got bored after about the fourth page and just stopped it abruptly. Then I didn’t write any more fiction for four more years, until I was in sixth grade. By then, things were looking a whole lot better.

Here it is, titled “A Lovely Young Dream”: (Go ahead and laugh) I went ahead and put my own commentary in bold for your enjoyment, but if you have any more remarks, please share. Just be nice, because I still consider this work a major masterpiece. 🙂

“Once upon a time there was a young princess named Alivia. Her hair was as golden as the sun, and it had tree brown highlights. [I was very into comparing things with nature] Her hair went down to her heels and her blue eyes sparkled. She dressed and acted like other princesses but she believed in something they did not. She believed in God. Her mother had died when Alivia was five, but had led her to Christ first. It was hard for Alivia to hold on to her beliefs because so many bad things were happening. [Prepare yourself] Her father was deathly ill, one of her friends had died, and a disease was overtaking her village. [Because being a princess is tough]

“Because of all the troubles Alivia lived with her friends Isabella, Elizabeth, and Lisa. [They were the ones who didn’t die] ‘It’s cold in here.’ Her friend Elizabeth shivered. Elizabeth had long brown hair and lovely blue eyes. ‘I know,’ complained Isabella. She had long blonde hair and green eyes. Her curls were to die for. [Like, for real] She was petite and short.[Petite and short] ‘I’m starved,’ said Lisa. Lisa was tall and willowy. She had long blondish red hair, and green eyes. Alivia rolled her eyes. ‘I don’t see why you aren’t fat,’ she said looking at the skinny girl, ‘You are always hungry.’ Lisa pouted her lower lip, ‘A growing girl needs lots of food, and besides, we did not eat breakfast,’ the ballerina complained. [Did I mention they were ballerinas? I think I just decided to throw that in] The other ballerina princesses rolled their eyes.

“Suddenly the maid Rebecca danced in. ‘Here is your lunch,’ she sang, [I watched too many Disney musicals as a child] ‘I am so sorry you ladies could not have breakfast.’ They feasted on grapes, fried chicken, biscets, soup and crackers, [Can you tell I was hungry when I wrote this?] and a basket which had apples, oranges, bananas, and peaches in it. [Good grief] ‘Yum!’ declared Lisa as she ate her last crumb of cake. [I don’t remember listing cake, but I’m not suprised it’s there] Then Rachel (who was the head of the house) [Yes!] poked her head in. ‘Tonight a ball will be held. Do you girls have something to wear?’ ‘Yes, ma’am’ the girls chorused.

“When Rachel and Rebecca had left the girls talked about what they were going to wear to the ball. [And here comes the real drama…] Isabella said, ‘I’m going to wear my blue gown with my diamond jewelry set.’ Lisa said, ‘Oh, yeah? Well I’m going to wear my green dress with my emerald jewelry set.’ ‘I’m wearing my red dress with my ruby jewelry set,’ said Elizabeth. ‘Girls stop it! (silence)  I’m wearing my pink gown with my feather cape and my pearl jewelry set,’ Alivia said. [And that’s how you settle an argument] And so the girls went on their way to the ball and lived happily ever after.

The End 

[And the moral of this story? In the end, feather capes will always dominate]

Now if someone will just give me the address of the head of the Pulitzer Prize comittee, I will mail them the original manuscript. 🙂

-Rachel

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Comments

  1. * YaYa Tomczak says:

    I seem to recall that Barbie, who is known to be a princess AND a ballerina at various times, was rather important to you at that age. It could be that you used her as an inspiration for your story. Actually, it sounds like many of the Barbie scenarios you and Hannah came up with. And I still have the ball gowns to prove it! While I’ve never heard that the Pulitzer was awarded for a princess story such as this, there is always a first time for everything. You never know. And remember that the right accessories can MAKE the outfit! Here’s to feather capes!
    All my love, YaYa

    | Reply Posted 6 years, 5 months ago
    • * RachelC says:

      I seem to recall that Barbie games had much too much of an influence on my life from the age of four to eight. 🙂 I used to love your Barbies so much, though. Remember that you had to buy two of our favorite Skipper doll because Hannah and I fought over it? 🙂

      | Reply Posted 6 years, 5 months ago
  2. * BlueSalad says:

    wow! this is so cute! it reminded me of Barbie princess, the movie Tangled, and yummy summer afternoons in a cottage in very NON-humid weather. you were making me hungry there! I really enjoyed it! adding a commentary was a great idea for this blog post. you’re cool like that Rachel.

    | Reply Posted 6 years, 5 months ago
    • * RachelC says:

      Thanks! I like being cool. 🙂

      | Reply Posted 6 years, 5 months ago
  3. * Bethy says:

    That’s such a fun story Rachel!!!!! You always seemed to have a nack for writing. 😀

    | Reply Posted 6 years, 5 months ago
  4. * tyler says:

    i am being nice, but you said i could laugh, so HAHAHAHAAHAHAHHAAHAHAAHAHAHAAHAHAAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAAHAHAAHAHAAHAHAAHAHAHAAHA i love it!!

    | Reply Posted 6 years, 5 months ago
  5. * Tierney says:

    Aaah it’s so cuuuute! I LOVE it! Hehe!

    | Reply Posted 4 years, 11 months ago


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