I’ve Met Some Folks Who Say that I’m a Dreamer
It’s been a very tough week for me, emotionally. I think some of you could probably tell from my post on Thursday, that I’ve been going through a lot of personal things and am struggling to figure stuff out. I don’t know if it has to do with being a teenager, or a girl, or just a human being on this massive spinning ball we call Earth.
Yesterday I woke up in a funky mood. My mouth still hurt and I was having a pretty lousy morning. Our family had planned a trip to the beach to visit our cousins over the weekend, and eventually decided to go without me because of the whole mouth/bad mood thing. So I sat alone in my house for a long time over the course of the day, trying to be productive and get stuff done. (ha!)
The more time I spent by myself, with nothing but my work and my thoughts to keep me company, the more I began to gain new perspective on my situation. I think the problem is that all this summer I have been living like one of those people that is constantly moving. Constantly going—always trying to jump from one thing to the next. Every day is filled with things to do, places to go, people to see. It got to where it all just felt too heavy, like all of my concerns and problems and issues were weighing me down like a two ton brick. Which left me wondering, when did my life become such an endless circle of business? When did I lose the ability to just sit back and look at life’s little details, and fall in love with everything I hold dear all over again?
They say that there are two types of people in the world: dreamers and realists. I’ve always been a dreamer. I’ve always been the kind of person who sees the beauty in life and all its details. To sit in a chair on our back porch on a hot summer day and watch the bees hover and quiver over the blossoming butterfly bush and feel the little droplets trickling down a glass of ice cold lemonade. And not worry about time or people or anything I was supposed to be doing. Just to be.
I once read a quote online that really stuck with me. I copied it down so that I could remember it when life felt too busy or rushed and I just needed a reminder of why I need to slow down and enjoy it:
“Life has loveliness to sell, all beautiful and splendid things, blue waves whitened on a cliff, soaring fire that sways and sings, and children’s faces looking up, holding wonder like a cup.” – Sara Teasdale
It’s so true. Life is full of loveliness. Yesterday, as I was sitting alone, I really began meditating on this. My own life is full of beauty and wonder. All of the things I love and hold dear…
Black and white keys producing the sweetest melody. Bunches of faded flowers laying on a windowsill. Baby deer munching on fallen leaves outside my bedroom window. Stacks of old books containing secret worlds and dreams within their yellowed pages. The essence of a smile caught in the shutter of a camera. Ribbons of sunlight shafting through the blinds and hitting the bare floor.
This is life. This is beauty. This is what keeps us moving on even when we feel depressed and confused and don’t know the difference between up and down any more.
I hope I’m always a dreamer. I hope I always see the beauty in cracks and dust and all of life’s little moments. And I hope that I never get so bogged down in the business and weight of life that I forget to live.