Love, Loss, and Men Named “Antonio”

I wish you could all get the chance to come to at least one of my Spanish classes. Because they can be really hilarious. We meet a friend’s house once a week and their mom is kind enough to teach five of us how to speak Spanish. We’re all females. We’re all middle/high schoolers. And we all love to talk and laugh, obviously. So the results are definitely humorous.

Anyway, our teacher has this weird thing about the name “Antonio”, which definitely cracks me up. Every time she reads it in our Spanish textbook, she wiggles her eyebrows and drops her voice a few octaves. “Antoooonio.” Then all the girls start laughing and nudge each other. “Oooooh….Antoooonio!” I’ll read the sentence “Rachel stands next to Antonio” in Spanish and everyone will erupt in giggles. “Lucky Rachel. I wish I could stand next to Antooooonio!”

The first few weeks of class, this kind of confused me. What was so great about the name “Antonio”? I don’t even know an Antonio. How can a name be so…funny?

The longer it went on, the stranger the whole concept seemed. It’s almost like Antonio is a real person, the way everyone talks about him. Every now and then, Hannah or I will make some joke about something “Antonio” did and a friend will ask who he is. Then we’ll glance at each other and start laughing, telling them that he’s some guy in our Spanish class. Definitely not normal.

Then one day I started thinking. I decided that it wasn’t just the name “Antonio” that got everyone going. It was what Antonio stood for. Antonio, according to our teacher, is the most handsome Spanish man in the world. He is tall. He is dark. He has a smooth, velvety voice that makes all the senoritas go crazy. He is…Antonio. That man.

That’s when it dawned on me: There are a lot of people out there who know about “Antonio”. And I’m not talking about the tall, dark Spanish rogue. I’m talking about the fantasy–the man that ceases to exist. We all have someone that we’ve built up in our minds as the ideal of perfection, whether they’re real or not. The ideal husband, who will one day sweep you off your feet and carry you away. The best friend you never had. The perfect children dressed in their matching Ralph Lauren polo dresses with starch white bows in their hair. The exact opposite of reality–of how things really are.

Don’t get me wrong–I’m not that pessimistic of a person. I know that with God, all things are possible. I understand that people can change. I do think that there is someone out there for everyone. But I also know that no one’s perfect. That everyone has quirks and mistakes. And that, wish as we might, Antonio will never be real.

But you know what? That’s what’s so wonderful about life. Once I started thinking about Antonio in a mature, philosophical way, I realized that I don’t want to be that kind of person. I don’t even want to know that kind of person. I believe in a world full of people that are messed up and blemished, but also real and relatable. And even though it’s difficult not to wish for the impossible sometimes, I know that God will give me what He wants me to have, and that it will be better than the stuff of dreams. Or dreamy Spanish men. 😉



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  1. How I Made Myself Romantic « rachelcoker pingbacked on 6 years, 5 months ago


  1. * Rebecca del Toro says:

    Your discussion of the fantasy man who doesn’t exist reminds me of Christian romance novels. If you go to a Christian book store, there is a huge section chock full of these books. There is usually a central male character who is amazingly good-looking, adventurous, sweet-natured, and nothing short of perfect. I used to read a lot of these novels when I was in high school and in college and even after I got married. I would dive into a novel and get lost in my fantasy world and pretty soon I started thinking, “This guy is amazing. If only my husband could be more like him!” Of course, Mr. Perfect was and still is a figment of the imagination, but he led me to be discontented with my own life. That’s when I decided I wasn’t going to read Christian adventure/romance novels anymore. Recently, I heard a show on Christian radio that addressed this very topic. A lady who leads an organization that counsels couples who have faced divorce, infidelity, and similar issues said the same thing about these novels. And guess what? A number of women called into the program and testified that romance (and even Christian romance) novels had done great harm to their marriage relationship. Oh, by the way, don’t lose hope. There is a Mr. Perfect out there. He’s the guy that God has waiting for you. He’s not really perfect (i.e., “without flaws”), but he’ll be perfect for you.

    | Reply Posted 6 years, 8 months ago
    • * RachelC says:

      I love this comment! I definitely agree with you about many of the points you bring up. There are way too many girls out there with unrealistic fantasies of the perfect men. We know that our none of our brothers in Christ are perfect but, by the grace of God, many still make wonderful husbands in the long run! 😉

      | Reply Posted 6 years, 8 months ago
      • you know, this also applies to guys in the exact same way!!!! most of us want to find “the perfect girl”, when really we should want to find the girl god has givin us.

        Posted 6 years, 8 months ago
  2. sometimes i fear your standards can be a little….. high sometimes my friend 😉 although thats better than them being low

    | Reply Posted 6 years, 8 months ago
  3. * Chelsea G says:

    You are so right Rachel. But I have to admit Atntooonioooo is hilarious.

    | Reply Posted 6 years, 8 months ago

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