Pretty Much the Best Holiday Ever…eth
Confession time: I am a nerd. Just kidding. That wouldn’t really be a confession, since we already sort of discussed this in detail a couple weeks ago. Anyway, the nerdiness in me was just begging to share with you the fact that today is one of my absolute favorite holidays: National Talk Like Shakespeare Day! Aren’t you just dying of excitement? While I haven’t read every Shakespeare play or even consider myself a huge fan of the guy, I must say that I am still absolutely tickled pink at the idea of this holiday. Definitely something to celebrate.
The best part of National Talk Like Shakespeare Day? Obviously, it is the fact that today you have full permission to go around and actually talk like a seventeenth century actor, and nobody will look at you like you’re a weirdo! Well, I mean, I guess I can’t promise that they won’t think you’re a weirdo, but at least you can rest with the assurance that are in fact not one. You’re just a celebrator of history!
Anyway, I went to the official holiday website and found this list that I would love to pass on to you all. Since we’re all probably a little out of touch with Renaissancian (?) lingo, here are some suggestions on how to work a little Shakespeare into your conversation today:
How to Talk Like Shakespeare:
- Instead of you, say thou or thee (and instead of y’all, say ye).
- Rhymed couplets are all the rage.
- Men are Sirrah, ladies are Mistress, and your friends are all called Cousin.
- Instead of cursing, try calling your tormenters jackanapes or canker-blossoms or poisonous bunch-back’d toads.
- Don’t waste time saying “it,” just use the letter “t” (’tis, t’will, I’ll do’t).
- Verse for lovers, prose for ruffians, songs for clowns.
- When in doubt, add the letters “eth” to the end of verbs (he runneth, he trippeth, he falleth).
- To add weight to your opinions, try starting them with methinks, mayhaps, in sooth or wherefore.
- When wooing ladies: try comparing her to a summer’s day. If that fails, say “Get thee to a nunnery!”
- When wooing lads: try dressing up like a man. If that fails, throw him in the Tower, banish his friends and claim the throne.
Fantastic suggestions, all. I particularly love the ones about wooing. I mean, who “woos” nowadays? Also, I found a great treasury of delightful insults, if you care to use any of them.
- “Drop into the rotten mouth of death.”
- “Thou art fat as butter.”
- “Thine horrid image doth unfix my hair”.
- “Thou qualling swag-bellied measle!”
- “Were I like thee, I’d throw myself away.”
- “I scorn you, scurvy companion. Away, you moldy rogue, away!”
- “You scullion! You rampallion! I’ll tickle your catastrophe!”
And, oh, there are so many more insults. So many. It really makes one quite gleeful to read through them all, if that makes any sense.
Just some things for you to think about as you conduct your conversations today. Methinks you should throw in a little Shakespeare from time to time…
P.S. If you have time, check out the official website, and listen to the hip-hop birthday anthem. “Alas, what is up, Willie?” Doesn’t get any better than that.