Things I’m Just Too Girly To Understand
My friends tease me a lot for often being a walking contradiction. I’ve been told time after time again that everyone, upon meeting me, thinks that I’m an extremely girly goody-two-shoes. This is probably because I wear dresses ninety percent of the time and always tend to look like I’ve been transported from 1948 or something. And then, once people get to know me, they’re always shocked at how non-girly I can be at times. I shoot, sit unfazed while watching horror films, and make fun of anything even remotely close to a romantic comedy. And yet, despite often brushing off overly feminine tendencies, I find that there are still a number of things that I am way too girly to understand. Guys, I’m talking to you. I have no idea why you…
- Think that it’s fun to sit in a deer stand all day
It’s not. It’s boring. My best friend and I went up there with her brother once and he tried to explain to us what it was like. Apparently we’re supposed to sit up there for hours without talking, moving, or squealing and just wait for some poor innocent animal to calmly walk past us. Then we’re supposed to blow its brains out and drag it home? I just don’t get that. Not that I mind other people doing it, but I think I might actually prefer going to the dentist to hunting deer. Maybe.
- Talk about cars like they’re people
Just about every guy I know does this and it constantly confuses me. “Look at that beauty. See her pretty black racing stripe? Man, that’s the car for me!” Or “My truck’s never let me down. She gets me through dirt, mud, and snow. I call her ‘Old Faithful’. Isn’t she a beauty?” No, your truck is not beautiful. It’s two tons of dull red metal with tires five times the size of my head. I don’t see the beauty in that.
- Watch five John Wayne movies in a row and insist they’re all special
I love me a good John Wayne film. But five in a row? Let me clue you in: They all have the same exact plot. Grisly good guy with unbelievable aim. Fiery woman who at first resists him and then swoons all over him and falls at his feet. Posse of bad guys who couldn’t shoot a sleeping elephant on a sunny day. The good guy avoids getting shot, kills off the bad guys, and convinces the woman she’s dying to kiss him. There. Now you don’t have to waste another ten hours watching the Western marathons on AMC! You’re welcome.
- Think that “The Avengers” was actually interesting
It wasn’t. It was a bunch of violent, strangely-dressed guys (and one girl) randomly fighting and blowing up things while talking about their confusing pasts that I know absolutely nothing about. Maybe if I had any clue who Captain America or Hawkeye was, I might actually appreciate that movie, but who has the time to read fifty million vintage comic books and find out?
Sorry if I come across kind of rant-ish this morning. Obviously I’ve been spending too much time with my guy friends and need to go shopping or something. 😉 Plus, I always like to rant on Saturdays for some reason. It makes me happy!